I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
