It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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