so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
