remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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