Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
