I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
