I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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