the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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