I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
