Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
