a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
