dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
