There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize