New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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