I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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