I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
