every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
