ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
