her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
