I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
