it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
