either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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