Pappa wants mamma naked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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