if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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