you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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