Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
