My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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