Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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