I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
