her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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