I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
