did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize