do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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