too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
