Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
