Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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