i just wanna soil my oats bro
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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