Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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