I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
