But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
