I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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