No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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