Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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