Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
