Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
