i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
