i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
