a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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