so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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