there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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