She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
