We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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