It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize