Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
