She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
