Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
