The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
