His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
