Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
