Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
