when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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