we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
