You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize