you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
