my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
