Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im holly from the hills drunk
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
