Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
