hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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