That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
